I am not a juggler. With balls or with lots of things to do. Save for getting preggers, I’m not sure what else I could be juggling right now. The house is for sale (although you wouldn’t know it given we’ve not gotten one offer in nearly 4 weeks!). I’m closing my office and trying to find new docs for my patients. I’m (we’re) having a house built–in Michigan. We are moving to Michigan(!). I am starting a new job. This makes my mind spin and my brain just hurts. I know that these are really great things but I am beginning to understand why families stay put. Moving is hard and pretty well sucks.
There’s not much time to breathe and I’m feeling pressurized. On top of that pressure feeling is also a melancholy. For the love of god, I’m mourning moving out of L.A. What in the hell is wrong with me? I’ve got friends here so of course that makes it tough. And since I’m trying to arrange to meet up with them so I can tell them each in person (harder than it sounds), not many of them even know yet. Yeesh. Of course I’ll mourn the weather. Especially on a day like today. (Given that there are a few mid-westerners reading this I will not go into details. You’re welcome.) But I think the mourning also has to do with the fact that this is really where I grew up. I became an adult out here. And a wife. And a doctor. Again, all good things. Somehow it feels like magically I’ll become a different person (or maybe the old me?) in Michigan and I’m not sure who that will be. I try to remind myself that
Everywhere you go, there you are
I know this is true but I keep forgetting. I think what I’m going through is something like what some people in high school go through. They say things like it was “the greatest time in their life.” I never understood that because high school was not the greatest time nor did I ever expect or want it to be. I guess the fear is: what if I can’t top the life I’ve cultivated here? What if this is the greatest time in my life? (That just gave me the chills)
I suppose this is part of the reason I haven’t posted this week (besides just being too damn busy). But talking about this now and seeing this in print seems to help make this more real. And I think real is good. I’m looking forward to not having to juggle so much. Maybe if I weren’t so anal this would be easier. But I’m not.
How do you deal with transitions?