Lost in Transition

I am not a juggler. With balls or with lots of things to do. Save for getting preggers, I’m not sure what else I could be juggling right now. The house is for sale (although you wouldn’t know it given we’ve not gotten one offer in nearly 4 weeks!). I’m closing my office and trying to find new docs for my patients. I’m (we’re) having a house built–in Michigan. We are moving to Michigan(!). I am starting a new job. This makes my mind spin and my brain just hurts. I know that these are really great things but I am beginning to understand why families stay put. Moving is hard and pretty well sucks.

I feel like I'm juggling my world (but not in a suit).

There’s not much time to breathe and I’m feeling pressurized. On top of that pressure feeling is also a melancholy. For the love of god, I’m mourning moving out of L.A. What in the hell is wrong with me? I’ve got friends here so of course that makes it tough. And since I’m trying to arrange to meet up with them so I can tell them each in person (harder than it sounds), not many of them even know yet. Yeesh. Of course I’ll mourn the weather. Especially on a day like today. (Given that there are a few mid-westerners reading this I will not go into details. You’re welcome.) But I think the mourning also has to do with the fact that this is really where I grew up. I became an adult out here. And a wife. And a doctor. Again, all good things. Somehow it feels like magically I’ll become a different person (or maybe the old me?) in Michigan and I’m not sure who that will be. I try to remind myself that

Everywhere you go, there you are

I know this is true but I keep forgetting. I think what I’m going through is something like what some people in high school go through. They say things like it was “the greatest time in their life.” I never understood that because high school was not the greatest time nor did I ever expect or want it to be. I guess the fear is: what if I can’t top the life I’ve cultivated here? What if this is the greatest time in my life? (That just gave me the chills)

High school was ok but it was not the time of my life.

I suppose this is part of the reason I haven’t posted this week (besides just being too damn busy). But talking about this now and seeing this in print seems to help make this more real. And I think real is good. I’m looking forward to not having to juggle so much. Maybe if I weren’t so anal this would be easier. But I’m not.

How do you deal with transitions?  



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7 responses to “Lost in Transition

  1. And how could I not chime in on this! 😀

    Oh Steph, thank you for putting into words what I was thinking. Thats what twins are for right? Ok, that was overkill. (But you would totally be the smart one since you are a dr!) Anyway, I nodded in agreeance with so much of what you wrote (minus leaving the LA weather, I hate you for being able to live in LA–j/k).

    I know it’s hard to not let the extreme stress of it all bring you down. When you start feeling stressed/worried/sad, imagine yourself relaxing in your brand new house when all this is over and behind you. You WILL get there, you just have a crap-ton of BS to get through first, but it’ll be so worth it.

    I also find myself mourning OFTEN and it’s making me really bitchy and tired. It’s mentally exhausting thinking about leaving AND all the decisions we are faced with. Every single day it seems there is a ‘big’ one to be made.

    Try not to think about all the what if’s. You’ve already made it this far! Absolute worst case you can always go back. We agreed we will stay in CO no less than 3 years, at the end of that time we’ll reconvene. If nothing else, it makes me feel better knowing there is a backup plan although realistically I doubt it will ever come to that.

    Take care of yourself girl and give yourself a break. Go drink some of those slightly warm brewski’s you mentioned… 😉

    • Thanks lady 🙂 I’m glad I’m not the only one going through this. I know it will get better but it’s tough to be in such major limbo.

      Great advice re: beer.

  2. I don’t think I need to say that i’m not good at transition. I like things to stay the same. When I lost my job I thought it was the end of the world, then to move only an hour away?? How would I manage? Now I like my job, love the new area and things are just fine.

    You will be fine. You will be closer to me and enjoy the lovely snow 😉


  3. While I wish I had an exciting past that involved LA, alas, I don’t. If I did, I can guaran-freaking-tee I would be mourning that as well 😉 But with that said, things always do look better looking back. It’s easier to remember all the good things rather than those troubling times when things were “less than” ideal. Yes, it stinks getting pulled out of comfort and routine, but you really can’t grow until you step out of that comfort zone.

    It will be a huge jolt, but also a huge adventure and a chance to make new memories and routines with your bestest friend in the world (it doesn’t hurt that he’s cute, too.) 😉 And remember that nothing–nothing–is ever set in stone. You always have options and the option to make the most of those options. Damn, I’m rambling. I guess I mean to say I get it, despite this rant. Things will be great and next year at this time, you’ll look back and be glad you went into it so calm and open-minded. But you’ll be cold, because, well, you’re in Michigan.

  4. a few things: (1) lost in translation is one of my top five movies; (2) I feel the same way about Indiana. Although I didn’t grow up here, it’s been amazing. I hate/refuse to think that the best days of my life have been here, but I’ve certainly become who I am here; (3) the posting issue. I totally get it. I go days/weeks without posting because I don’t want to write it. And then I do, and then I can have a drink of wine and realize I’m crazy.

    PS: Michigan is close to Indiana. I know because I used to end up there when trying to get back to Chicago…don’t ask.

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