I’ve never been one to easily let things “roll off” me or to just “go with the flow.” No, I’m someone who ruminates. Sometimes obsesses. Or just outright neurotic. I don’t think this is a bad thing, or at least it hasn’t been. My anxiety has gotten me through giving a speech about my thesis for my honor’s English program convocation in college. My obsessional qualities helped me memorize countless things (that I now rarely use) during medical school. And my neurosis helped land me in a great residency program, of which I eventually became chief resident.
I’m not saying this to toot my own horn. My point is that for the amount of stress I’ve endured thus far in my life, I should be well equipped to deal with my current stressors. To recap:
Our house is for sale
I’m closing my office
We’re selling one of our cars
I’ve accepted a new job
We are moving back to Michigan after 11.5 years in La-la land
So “should” is all relative here. I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way to deal with these multi-layered stressors is to go rogue. Which for me means finding Zen somehow. I need to let things flow like water and be carried with a lightness like the wind. Easier said than done but I’m working on it.
I actually realized today that part of my brain has been way ahead of me the whole time: there are Buddhas everywhere in my house. In the kitchen, on the table in the hallway, in our courtyard, in my office at work. For god’s sake there is one in our bathroom! My newest Buddha was a birthday present. He’s kinda sporting something akin to a spray tan but he’s growing on me.
So I’m workin’ on it. Whenever my brain reverts to that familiar freak out mode, I’m doing my best to take a step back, breathe and let it go. It ain’t easy though.
My Yogi tea today said:
All knowledge is within you.
I’m not so sure ALL knowledge but I’m sure there is some that I’m not tapping into. Maybe my new Zen approach will help me find some of that knowledge.