The Incredible Expanding Shitlist

I’m not an angry person by nature. And I’m usually pretty good at problem solving despite layers of crap. I’d even subdivide it into categories. There’s bullshit and then there’s just plain shit. I don’t mind bullshit. B.S. can be some funny business sometimes. Take my husband for example. He’s exhibiting some major bull-sheyat right now and I’m laughing out loud. He is in the kitchen putting the chicken he’s been defrosting back in the fridge cause it’s all ready to go. The B.S. part? He’s decided he doesn’t feel like getting off his ass so he is wheeling his office chair around the kitchen. I am dying while watching this tremendous display of utter piggish laziness. I’m pretty sure he’s doing it for my benefit but I also believe that he is doing it because he thinks rolling around the kitchen in his special Herman Miller Aeron chair (“I got mine in powder coat–not black like they usually are“) is the height of ridiculous. And he’s correct. He loves this damn chair.

He's right. I couldn't find a good picture of the silver chair so here's the black version.

This is probably why I don’t have kids. Well, part of it at least. I married one.

He just offered me a cheese curd while rolling back to his office table. Thanks, but no–cheese doesn’t go well with the nasty diet A&W I’m currently drinking.

If you haven't tried these, you are missing out on some major deliciousness.

Onward to the real list of shit.

1. Verizon: why, oh why Verizon?!? N has called them “at least 3 times” starting before we moved to get our land line shut off at our house in L.A. and in the course of 4 hours has made no head way. And why, pray tell, can they not shut the damn phone off? Because “there is a computer error” and they cannot access the phone to cancel the service. So we ended up shutting off the payment. Maybe that will do it. I won’t be surprised when we get a call from a collections agency.

2. United States Postal Service: despite filing the necessary paperwork to have my mail forwarded from my office in L.A. to me in Michigan beginning June 11, I have received nothing. Nada. Just to be sure, I called my old building manager who reported that I’ve received no mail at my old office. So since then, I’ve called the USPS office in Venice to find out where my mail is going or if it’s being held and they couldn’t help me. So I called their 800 number and the woman on the other end of the line assured me I’d receive a phone call with information in 2 business days. No phone call. Even the email I sent got no response–though they did send me a survey to rate them on how they responded to my problem. Thanks. The Post Master in T.C. was a bit nicer and even called over to the Venice office on my behalf but got no real answers. He also recognized me from the ad that my new employer put in the paper here. That was nice but not nearly as nice as finding out what the hell has happened to my mail.

3. Anthem Blue Cross: I didn’t have a real problem until the USPS started to screw with my mail service. Anthem owes me a great deal of money and when I called to inquire with them about whether they’ve gotten mail returned to sender they are unable to tell me. I’ve also spent a good deal of time on hold trying to talk to the “right” person. I’m now at the point where I don’t care. Whoever will listen to me gets the brunt of it. So poor “Sarah” in India who is reading off a script on her computer screen has no idea what to do with me. She totally cock-blocked me, too. She would not put me on with the supervisor. I’m not sure where I go from here but I do know that come hell or high water, I will get the money that is owed to me.

4. Sprint: are you in cahoots with Verizon? Perhaps all phone companies are in on it. Despite several phone calls to Sprint, my cell phone is still not turned off. They finally locked it so I can’t get messages on this phone anymore (it’s a long story). Get this: I get to pay for “service” I don’t want (or need) until the end of my billing cycle. This on top of the early cancellation fee. Wow.

5. Denoyer Brothers moving company: the ultimate screw. Strangers have a stronghold over you when you move because they will not deliver your stuff unless you pay–whatever they want you to pay. Our estimate was pretty high and when we asked what we could do to decrease the price, we were told that we could pack up as much of our stuff as we wanted. So we busted ass and packed something like 45 of our own boxes. Mysteriously, the final bill was rigged such that it was just about equal to the estimate. How convenient! When N went through the bill, he found all kinds of sketchy shit and when he went back to the guy with it, our “coordinator” basically gave us a big F-U. This despite the knowledge that we’ll need to hire movers in a mere 9 months when our new house is ready. He won’t get off this easily but I think his tactic is if he’s silent long enough, we’ll go away. He doesn’t know N. This story is TBC.

Ah! What relief to get that shit off my chest! I’d prefer to end the post in a less angry, more lighthearted way. Therefore, I give you the Ahh Bra:

You know you want one.

 I encourage you to watch this infomercial if you haven’t yet been fortunate enough to view it.

Come on. Spill it. What’s on your shitlist?



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7 responses to “The Incredible Expanding Shitlist

  1. Mr. Foodbin

    After reading this I feel like I just finished a workout with the Shake-Weight. Ohhh… that’s it.

  2. I can’t wait to hear more about the movers. We’re going to be moving in about a year or so, and I already have anxiety about it. I hope (not so secretly) that we’ll just be able to get rid of the majority of our stuff, and pack the rest of it into a truck. Somehow, I don’t see that being a plausible option 😦

  3. oh my gosh. I feel your pain. I cannot believe you, too, have the unfortunate privilege of mentioning Verizon, postal service AND Blue Cross, all on one shit list. Ya, that’s pretty shitty. I know this because they’ve all pissed me off, too. Gah!

  4. Shitty!
    At least you have the Ahh Bra there to lend you some “support” 😀 Ahh, that was bad, I know, I know…
    Good luck with everything, especially the movers and your insurance $. I hate having to pay insurance up-front for things and wait for reimbursements for this exact reason. (How can I be sure they will cover a pedicure as a medical expense?? Haha..)
    And I absolutely hate speaking to useless customer service people. Even though I worked in customer service before, I still give ’em hell.

  5. Haha, I love this even more when compared to your last post. We all have our loves and hates! My shitlist: The giant plastic sports cups my roommate refuses to throw away despite me buying new ones. They don’t fit in the cabinet, they don’t fit in the dishwasher (and of course no one else washes them by hand–they just sit in the sink), they look like trash (they’re those lightweight plastic things). Grrr…

    • Ugh. I remember those cups from college. They would not only be constantly dirty but were also used by various people as their ash tray. Totally disgusting!

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